Cache directory "/home7/mammalov/public_html/wp-content/plugins/ttftitles/cache" is not writable.You May Write for the NYT, but You’re a Mom Blogger Too
There has been an interesting conversation happening over on BlogHer in response to a post written by Loralee Choate. She wonders in her post if “big bloggers” owe it to “small bloggers” to help them out and pull them up.
I left a comment suggesting that it’d be nice for bloggers to help each other and pointing out that some very famous bloggers often support each other for mutual gain, but that there should be no expectation of help.
And I believe this. Really. Sort of. But some days it annoys me that I do. Because if I believe this, I must also believe that bloggers who make something of themselves on their own deserve what they achieve and some days…I’m not convinced.
I’m breaking some big personal rules by even writing this, but I can’t stay quiet about Jennifer Mendelsohn’s piece last Friday in the New York Times.
Yet again, another woman is willing to sell out her sisters for the price of entry to the boy’s club.
When will it stop? What are we standing to gain? What are we standing to lose?
If you believe the article millions. And we who are called “mommybloggers” are alternately “girly-bonding” and clawing each other out of the way to get at them.
Many smart women have written about the problems with the author’s article–and there are many–and I didn’t think I had anything to add, until I read Lindsay’s post today. It was the way she addressed the author directly not the main stream media at large that got me thinking about what I would say if she were standing in front of me.
Assume that I inserted all the points made by Joanne, Kelby and Liz and allow me to add these three:
Jennifer,
1. “Girly-bonding”??!!! Seriously? I attend meetings and conferences for work all the time. Never, not once have they ever been referred to as “girly-bonding” sessions. You severely underestimate the intellect, power and professionalism of mom bloggers at your peril by using this term. When I attend these events–and men are there–it IS called a networking event? (Okay Joanne made this same point very well but I had to add my $.02 because I am THAT enraged by the term.)
2. We’re not all blogging for SEO and pageviews (Sure I’d love rockstar pageviews. Name one person writing online who wouldn’t like to have others appreciate their work.). I am a full-time political consultant. I don’t blog for the money or my kids would be in rags. Is it okay if I “ignore” my children while I’m at work? Or should I give that up too? Is it a problem that there are other women online who write well or that you don’t believe women should be doing anything but taking care of their children? And if the latter is true, where is your child while you are writing and researching your stories?
3. As a woman writing about other women writers, you did a disservice to many of the communities to which you belong (mother, writer, woman online, female professional). Haven’t we trudged a long way enough baby? I don’t think women should be given a bye by a female writer because they are women, and I maintain that no one blogger or writer owes it to anyone to pull others up (though Anna Quindlen would disagree. You’ve heard of her, right?) but to tear them down? You only make it harder on yourself in the long run.
edited to add:
4. There’s a fourth point. My children actually benefit from my blogging. Just one example happened last week. My 7 year old went to a premiere for The Discovery Channel’s forthcoming documentary Life. Not only did he get to see it, he got to hear from the very people who made it. He learned that there are real people whose job it is to film animals (a topic of great interest to him), that there are people whose job it is to make movies. Oh and the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra accompanied the premiere, so he got to experience a live orchestra and learn that there are people who make a living playing instruments other than a guitar. The event made a big impression on my second grader. And the only reason I had the opportunity to take him to this special event was because relationships I’ve made through blogging.
Sincerely,
Amie
All this has me so fired up I need to go out and “help” a small blogger now.
Oh wait. I am a small blogger.
| Tags: Blogging, BlogHer, children, Jennifer Mendelsohn, Kelby Carr, Life, Loralee Choate, mean girls, Mom 101, New York Times, punditmom, The Discovery Channel, women 17 comments »
March 15th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Amen, sister friend. That is about all I can say, because otherwise I just get madder and madder.
March 15th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
I’m a small blogger too but even the promise of being published in the NYT wouldn’t convince me to turn on those who give me support, inspiration, and often technical and business advice.
March 15th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
This is a great post! It’s funny, I keep reading these posts and can’t imagine there are more FABULOUS points to make… and then I read a post like this.
I think this issue of mom bloggers being slammed in the mainstream media has built for some time… but the fact this woman is one of us? That makes it all so much worse.
March 15th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Awesome post and links to some other great ones…you all said it way better than I did. Although I kinda wish I hadn’t read these because now I’m madder and more depressed than I was before.
March 15th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Wonderful post. Ditto. Funny, I don’t think of you as a “small blogger” but a person of tremendous influence and authority.
March 15th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by mammaloves: I couldn’t help it. Had to weigh in on the NYT mom blogging piece. http://bit.ly/aC9npO…
March 15th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Great post! I thought about weighing in on Loralee’s original post but there was so much commentary going on it seemed futile. I don’t think we (bloggers) owe each other anything, especially just because we are women, but I do think we should be obligated not to tear each other down. If you don’t agree with somebody you don’t have to read them. You don’t need to go around writing snide articles about it for the NY Times to make yourself part of the elite. -But don’t worry, she’s not a “mommyblogger” because she writes for a fancy *newspaper*. Big difference. She actually gets paid to write.
March 15th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Amie-
You’ve never, ever been small in my book. You’ve always been one of my beltway girls, whom I knew shared a wonky strain with my own. And I love you for it. And respect all the many roles you carry more than you know.
We all have finite energy. Given the eight hours a day you spend doing incredible, policy changing work, could you apply those same skills to getting your blog to “rock star jetsetter blog”? Or whatever one would call it.
Of course you could. I have no doubt you can do anything you set your mind to, you brilliant girl. But where your juice is going moves the needle for the greater good. Not the corporate coffer. And I thank you for it, though I also understand feelings of wanting your words and ideas validated through wider recognition. We all want that, and I’m not sure we ever fully have it.
But please know what a light you are in this space. I’m so glad to know you, and that we had that time to chillax in Houston.
March 15th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Oy.
And Oy.
You said so many things here perfectly.
Me love you long time.
xo
P.S. That “big” “small” terminology of mine has not gone over well. I regret not finding a better way to phrase it for discussion. Oy.
March 16th, 2010 at 3:34 am
[…] Tweets about this great post on TwittLink.com […]
March 16th, 2010 at 8:52 am
There is the catch. Who is a “big blogger”? Who is a “Small blogger”? What kind of notoriety are people after? Do the “smaller bloggers” just want name recognition, do they want 15,000 unique pageviews a day, or do they want Intel to sponsor their trip to Greece?
And how would a bigger blogger help them get it?
Are they saying that Dooce owes them a link or the Bloggess should get them a job? Or do they just want to pick the brain of someone who has gained a lesser level of blogging success?
This could be a million different things. I never know where a person falls on the big/small blogger scale, but I know that I try to help people that have questions just because I’ve been doing this for five years. Does that mean I owe somebody something? Or I owe everybody that starts a blog something? Impossible.
March 16th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Really… I mean REALLY! Go to Blog World Expo, attended a cocktail party and it’s a business trip where you are “networking”. Go to an all women conference on the same topics and your facilitator is a “sorority leader” and you’re “sipping mimosas” (which I’m especially offended by because I was there and didn’t get one of those suckers, dam!) outside your mini-van. Use the term “comment tribe” and you’re “girlie” but if you “build your tribe” you’re a freaking genius MAN. Gah.. enough already this SMALL blogger needs help!
March 17th, 2010 at 12:52 am
I keep wondering what the writer was thinking. Did she not realize how her article came across? She is a fellow blogger (I hadn’t heard of her before, though), so why write about moms who blog in such a condescending way?
I just posted my response to the article, and I would love to hear your view on it
Thanks for your post. My child benefits from my blogging as well.
Best,
Dagmar
Dagmar’s momsense
March 18th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
I am not a mom. I am not a blogger.
When I read the article, I thought: Ibet she doesn’t have very many female friends. Because if you have healthy female relationships, you can portray female relationships (even enmeshed or dysfunctional ones) in a healthy way. I just thought she didn’t really “get it” about women in general – forget blogging or being a mom.
As for big and small: Big are the ones I like. Small are the ones I don’t. You’re big to me, Mammaloves! Always!
March 20th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
It’s the selling your sister down the river point I’m having the biggest problem with at this point. I mean, really? Who’s got your back if not your fellow co-workers/bloggers/moms/friends/women?
Thank you for writing this.
March 25th, 2010 at 7:16 am
[…] You make write for NYT but you’re a mom blogger too. NYT makes mommy wars even stupider […]
February 8th, 2017 at 5:05 pm
[…] You May Write for the NYT But You’re a Mom Blogger Too […]