“J, c’mere!  Look at this,” says my 7 year old as he walks out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles and used toilet paper in his hand.

“My poop is green!”

Makes a mother proud.

Love can make you feel incredible.

It can warm you like a cozy sweater.

Sometimes it can break your heart.

But love–real love–is unconditional.

Like the love between a boy and his dog.

Watching TV:

Medium Fry:  Dad!  Can you get me the Body by Jake fitness machine for Christmas?

Husband:  (gives kid a look as if to ask what kind of weed was in his bowl of Cookie Crisps)

Medium Fry:  It wouldn’t be bad for you either.  You’re pretty weak.

Kid’s lucky he’s cute.

No better toy for two young boys than a giant cardboard box.

They were taking turns getting under the box and hopping around like a turtle with bunny feet.  My heart swelled with pride at their ability to share.  They even managed get under the overturned box at the same time to play together.

Small Fry: Hey I’ll get under there too and you be the front lights and I’ll be the back lights (suddenly they were no longer a turbit but rather some sort of vehicle I’m guessing).

Medium Fry: Sure get under.

Small Fry: Okay let’s go.

(One poorly executed lurch forward.  Laughter erupts.  Out pop two boys.)

Small Fry: (grabbing his face) Ow!  My nose!

(Medium Fry continues laughing)

Small Fry: (standing up and looking down at the floor)  Oooh!  Stickers!!

Attention spans are so over-rated.

Though winded from my happy dance, I wanted to be sure to record for posterity the conversation my son and I just had in the car.

Mr. Cool 8th Grader: Mom! I love history this year. It’s not really history. It’s civics. We’re talking about government and politics and stuff.

Me: I loved civics.

(I was a political science major you know)

MC8G: We talked about the President’s speech today.

Me: Really?

(thinking he’s referring to the President’s speech to the students)

MC8G: Yeah. That guy who yelled out…what an idiot. I mean he’s the President. You have to respect the office, ya know. It’s okay to think bad things, but you can’t always say them. He’s going to get it.

Me: See why I’ve been telling you that about not always having to comment on ev-ery thing? Did you know that Congressman’s likely opponent in the next election raised over $350k in the last 24 hours? All for that one little sentence he yelled.

(Pause while MC8G scarfs down the rest of his burrito.)

MC8G: You know, if there weren’t men in this world there probably wouldn’t be any wars. That’s just my two cents on it.

Me: (Trying to concentrate above the sounds of angels singing in my ears) What makes you say that?

MC8G: I don’t know it’s complicated.

Me: Is it because you think women wouldn’t start wars?

MC8G: Yeah. They probably wouldn’t solve problems that way.

Me: Well not all men want to solve problems that way.

MC8G: Oh I know. Some people have to fight. It’s their job.

Me: Yes. If you’re in the military you have to follow orders. That is your job. War isn’t always wrong, but sometimes we do get in wars we probably don’t have to.

MC8G: Why can’t we just be like Australia and kick back with our kangaroos? They just hang out. They don’t bother anyone.

Me: Well sometimes they join in.

MC8G: But most the time they’re hanging out on the porch petting their kangaroos. That’s what we should be like.

I’d like to believe this is all due to my incredible parenting, but HE CAME UP WITH THESE IDEAS ON HIS OWN PEOPLE!

This is the same child who shaved off most of his eyebrows in first grade because he thought they were getting too long.

I think I should probably quit here while I’m ahead.

So I was charged with the task of creating a video post talking about what I am grateful for in my life. Yesterday was crazy. I woke up late and rushed around the rest of the day trying to make up for it. I don’t have video skills. I knew there was no way I was going to edit up some fantastic piece in one day and properly give tribute to all of the things I’m grateful for.

But I had a video camera.

And of course I had my kids (they’re always hanging around).

What a brilliant idea! I’ll film my kids being sweet and loving and talk about how much they’ve changed my life…enriched it.

They were more interested in the cat.*

I’ve developed an enhanced sense of humor since having kids (I had to). I think that’s pretty cool.

And yes that was my underwear you saw flying behind my head. So much for the folded clothes–and my dignity.

*No children were seriously injured in the making of this video and the cat had already hidden herself far away from the crazies. Though head-butted by his younger brother, my middle son has his mother’s hard head and popped up unscathed just moments later.

Yesterday’s rain storms left us with a gorgeous day today.

My garden needing weeding, the carport needed organizing and well who doesn’t want to spend some time at the pool. But were the adults in this family doing that today?

No.

There we were pulling everything out of the car port so we could power wash the siding to remove the dirt encrusted spray of what looked like a case of soda. (I’m not sure it wasn’t that much.)

Apparently, when you get a group of kids together and provide them with an ice tub full of soda it’s really fun to shake them up and spray them at each other.

So we’re pulling out trash cans, setting up the power washer (and fighting over who gets to use it) when I look inside and notice that all three of our boys are inside in the air conditioning sitting out the couch playing video games.

Oh no they weren’t!!

All of the sudden I had a wonderful idea!

Boys come here please. Go get the bucket, a few scrub brushes and sponges and the dish soap and come out here please.

The boys were going to learn a lesson.

Oh cool! Yay bubbles! Can we wash the car next?

Yeah that lasted five minutes.

My arm hurts.

I’m doing all the work.

I’ve been scrubbing for 20 minutes and it won’t come off.

You’re a horrible mom.

Why yes my children. Yes I am. But my siding is clean and I’m thinking the next time you go to shake up a soda you might remember all the fun you had today.

Dear Small People* Who Climb into Bed with me at Night,

It sends warm fuzzy feelings directly to my heart just thinking about the fact that the most comforting thing to you is to sleep nestled up against me.

BUT, we must have some rules. Trust me, following these will come in handy later in life. I can’t get into the WHY now, but I promise. I’m your mom. Would I lie to you?

1. Humans lie PARALLEL to each other in bed.

2. Limbs are to remain still–even during dream state. Flinging and flailing of extremities is strictly prohibited.
3. Wetting the bed is not appreciated—especially when you leave your co-sleeper with the wet spot to sleep in.
4. All nails must be trimmed neatly. Drawing blood is highly frowned upon by most except for the random girls who read Twilight one too many times and really?? That trend will be tired by the time you’re old enough to understand what a freak your mom is for giving you these helpful hints for “co-sleeping.”

Love,
Mom**

*No! I’m not talking about THOSE little people, I finished with that phase back in ’97. Jeez, keep up!

**The same mom who worries weekly about the kind of mate you will make later in life, and winces just a little each day for the men or women who might have to live with your love of fart humor and inability to pee INTO the toilet.

Tonight you asked how many sleeps you had until Kindergarten. Telling you it was almost 100 would have been so overwhelming especially since you can’t count that high yet.

But in a year from now?

You’ll be counting the stars. You’ll be reading. You’ll know what to do during a fire drill.

Once you start Kindergarten, you’ll probably be broken of the verbal habits we’ve let slide because you’re our youngest and damn if they aren’t cute.

No more will you tell me about how you “runned” on the playground. Next baseball season you won’t ask me if we can go to the “‘session” stand. And I’m guessing that your favorite toys will cease to be described as “mines.”

I mean you’ve already left “sanks” (thanks) and “pickels” (testicles) behind.

Guess I’ll just have to savor every last one of my 100 opportunities to get you into your “jamas” before school starts up again in the fall.

The smallest fry in my house still requires a bit of “assistance” in the bathroom (frankly, I think he’s milking this whole baby of the family thing), so we are frequently treated with an observation.

Tonight:

“Look! It’s floating like a boat. Oh, and now it’s sinking like a cannonball.”

Look out MIT, here he comes!