The first day we went out, the sun was fading fast and they weren’t exactly feeling cooperative.  So I decided we’d try it again.

It wasn’t looking good for this day either.

Then they warmed up a little–but for that dastardly hat!

Of course by then they had behaved for more than two consecutive minutes…

Finally!  Everyone looking at me.  No one scowling.  No tongues hanging out of mouths…

But does it show them as they are at this moment in their lives?  That’s always my conundrum.  These are boys.  Only one of them is remotely concerned about his odor or clothes.  They are funny and goofy and regularly dirty.  The photographer in me wants to wow you with some gorgeous photo of spit-shined boys dressed in Ralph Lauren resisting sugar plums placed on the table next to them with Martha Stewart styling.  But those aren’t my boys–and thank g*d!

What I love about capturing people through my lens is showing them as they are–how beautiful I see them as themselves.  So it will be the last photo above or the final one from the last session (honestly I’m leaning toward that one).

When you are trying to decide what photo to use for you holiday card this year, I urge you to select the one that shows the world who you are right now.  What is going on with your family today.  Those shots are the most sincere and most immune from mocking.  Cause really?  I don’t believe you and your entire family kept those matching white shirts clean for one minute after that session at Pennys was over.

I have to make a decision today because I need to give Tiny Prints a fighting chance to get me my cards before Christmas (actually I just noticed that I can get 20% off any order over $49 and only $5 shipping and get my cards by 12/16 if I order by tonight–what are they?  Miracle workers?)   I think I’m going with these:

Which one do you like the best?  Let me know in the comments.

*I attended a great party hosted by Tiny Prints a few weeks back and I got to have a new head shot taken, see some of my favorite DC Moms and see the new holiday options from Tiny Prints.  They offered me 50 free prints if I wrote a post.  But here’s the thing…I ordered from Tiny Prints last year and my cards got such rave reviews so there wasn’t really any decision about where I was ordering from this year.

They don’t like to cooperate–they are three boys.  The wearing of hats was an enticement.  The teenager was annoyed.

They wanted to pretend they were the Beatles.

They dress themselves.

We may have to try this again tomorrow–preferably when I have wardrobe veto power.

Why is a blank page so intimidating?  Whether it’s here or at work, the blank screen sends my heart racing.  Sometimes I will write words–words of no significant meaning on the page just to fill it up a bit and take the pressure off.  An outline, notes, old documents to use as a starting point, anything will do.

With photography, I begin a shoot with test shots.  I aim at the ground, adjust my white balance, focus on a few inanimate objects to check my exposure and focus.

It takes a while for me to begin to see.  Whether it’s to find the words to shape what I want to communicate or to find the light to create the image I want to capture, I have to mess up things a little bit before I get started.  In complete opposition to my approach to housekeeping, I find it easier to organize and clean up my thoughts/ideas once I shake them all up and splash them around a bit.  Actually, upon writing that that’s how I clean too.  I have to get things all out in my vision so I can organize them and find their homes.

Assuming not everyone approaches their creative process this way, but it works for me.  As I’m sloshing around poking at things from different directions, all of the sudden I find what I was looking for.

I’m a mom.  I’m a blogger.  I’m a photographer for crying out loud, but have I captured my memories of your childhood?

I know I can’t hold on.  I can’t prevent you from growing up–from becoming an amazing man.

But you’re my beautiful little boy too.  You will always be my beautiful baby.  Even if you won’t cut your hair “until baseball season starts.”

As proud as I am of the incredible person you are becoming, I miss the little baby who disappears with every passing minute.

You are my reserved one.  Never my obvious cuddler, never one to be effusive.

Those giant blue eyes that you hide behind that hair–they take my breath away every time you let me see them.  I’m so grateful you give me a glimpse of them from time to time.  I’m sorry I grab my camera every time that you do, but I don’t want to miss these moments.

Because seven years of them have already gone by.

Happy Birthday my baby.  I am so proud to be your mom and I will love you forever.

This is what we woke up to this morning.

It was covering everything.

Nature made interesting sounds.

Ice skating on the sidewalk was possible.

I may or may not have finished clearing out the garden this fall.

The world was brown and grey.

But interesting in the details.

Who was clipping papers on my deck?

Probably those meddling kids.  No school for them today.  Made working from home–well–challenging.

Love can make you feel incredible.

It can warm you like a cozy sweater.

Sometimes it can break your heart.

But love–real love–is unconditional.

Like the love between a boy and his dog.

I’m saying it out loud, so now I have to do it.

I’m starting my photography business!

There is so much to do to set up a business let alone working on a craft to support it.  It would be easy to keep putting it off–to wait until I had everything perfectly in place–but I know me and there’s no such thing (or time) as perfect.

And if ever I feel my confidence fail, I’ll look back at these faces.

A logo is being designed, a website will come too but the doors are officially open.  And the prices are good if you get in early during my portfolio-building days.

Look what I ordered for my camera today!

Is that a sweet camera strap or what?  Even better…it’s going to have orange minky material on the side that goes against my neck.

I found it on this cool site called PhatStraps.  Ordered a wrist strap too.  They might not make my photos look any better, but woohoo will I be looking good!

Turning 40 this year has me taking stock of this life I’ve led so far.  I’ll admit that sixty and even thirty days ago I was on the verge of near panic about my failures as a human being, my lack of productivity and success to date–then I started writing about it and well realized I’ve been acting like an ass.

I see you nodding.  No need to agree with me so wholeheartedly.

It wasn’t writing alone that smacked me upside the head.  Call it providence, call it coincidence, call it divine intervention.  Over the past few months I’ve also been turned on to a number of blogs that focus on creativity.  I imagine I started poking around them initially to get more ideas for my photography, but I was quickly pulled in by the images and moments these people are capturing in their art.

Getting older and watching my babies bloom has me more aware of the swift wings of time (really?  swift wings of time?!–I need to get over myself).  I’ve been trying to figure out how to appreciate the everyday happenings of my life right now–to truly experience them–and how to capture them for later when I’m old and alone and gray(er) and on the verge of being eaten by my cats.   And these bloggers have inspired me.

Really this is a long-winded way of saying…

LOOK WHAT I MADE!!

Nice Amie.  Lovely.  What the hell are they?

Duh!  Background papers.  We’re gonna use ’em for stuff.  We?  Stuff?

I’ve joined The Artistic Mother’s Art Group.

I’ve never thought of myself as artistic (and gessoed, painted, stamped and pasteled papers aside I’m not sure I am), but I gotta tell you being surrounded by paint and paper and pastels and ink and glue and having dirty artsy hands…it kinda rocks.  The kicker too is that my kids are getting into with me.  We’re sitting around the table “doin’ art” as my small fry says.

If I stop getting pedicures and suddenly change my name to Raindrop though, you gotta promise to host an intervention.

Just when I thought I wouldn’t survive another gray sky, a series of gorgeous spring days have settled in on my little corner of the world.

I sat outside soaking up the sun this morning and noticed a pitcher I had left outside all winter.  This was the wrong winter to leave it outside I thought.  The weather was rough.  As I looked at it more closely, I noticed the patterns of wear and the flakes of paint.  It was more interesting.

And in the pitcher, I saw me.

A friend had arrived on my birthday last year carrying it in filled with hydrangeas.  It was painted to look vintage, but now it truly was.   I loved it so much more.

Forty is feeling less and less intimidating every day.