Baseball season is upon us once again (does it really ever end?) and as you know there aren’t many options for a girl when nature calls at the field.

I avoid the dreaded Port-o-Potties as much as possible, especially after the incident last year, but sometimes there’s just no choice.

We were down at the fields for a marathon afternoon and all of the sudden my breakfast came back to haunt me.

There wasn’t any time to make it home.

I found a relatively clean cabinet o’ ca-ca and went about my business. So many thoughts ran through my head as I was finding my way to sweet relief.

What if some kid forces the door open and everyone sees me with my pants down?

What if a long line has developed since I stepped in here?

Is the tank full enough that the next person will know I had the sour-apple-quick-steps?

As these totally rational and sane thoughts caused me to sweat a little, my eyes landed on this:

I HAD to know whose job it was to figure THAT out.

As part of my research (see what I do for you??), I made the most fascinating discovery–the PSAI–and boy is their website full of interesting information!

For instance, did you know that there are 1,400,000 portable toilets in use worldwide? That they call waste “effluent” (I’m kinda liking that word)? And that they have developed a Special Events Usage Guide?

I know, me neither.

Those portable sanitation people are some helpful folk.

To top it all off, the nice folks at the PSAI hand out the M.Z. “Andy” Dump–I mean–Gump Award which is a “lifetime achievement award honoring those that have improved the image of the industry and have created innovative approaches for sanitation needs through new and improved products and services.”

I want to party with these guys.

Is it just me??

I wouldn’t think this would be good for their business.

I’m so not lovin’ it.

You know I loved watching you. I loved that you weren’t afraid to go after anyone. I had high hopes for you.

And now I feel like a disappointed parent. (Wait! I am a parent and I am disappointed.)

I mean really! Didn’t you think you’d get caught? Didn’t you realize those you’ve left in your wake would want to nail something on you?

Or were you trying to make up for some shortcomings?

What is it with you meglomaniacal politicians?? Or maybe I should be asking what it is with our country that we demand so much from our politicians that there is only a certain type who can fit the bill?

From their website:

I don’t know why, but this sounds like fun. And I don’t know what came over me to pick Dare, but I’m all in on this one.

I pray there is no public nudity involved. I’d hate to send that many people to therapy.

Head on over and pick one. I’ll set up some linky love to all participants who took part at my urging.

Edited to add: I’m a little disappointed by the lack of male participation in this fun. What are ya? Wimps?!

A number of mom bloggers, myself included, have been reaching out to presidential candidates asking for time on their schedule to meet with them–to discuss the issues that are important to us as voters. As I mentioned in my invitation to the candidates, the concerns of our nation are OUR concerns. We care for our children. We care for our parents. We care for spouses. Anything that affects them affects us. It’s as simple as that.

Now I have yet to receive any RSVPs, but one of my colleagues on the Chicago Moms Blog did receive a response to a similar invitation she issued to the Obamas.

SERIOUSLY?!

Talking to mothers (mothers with blogs no less) is so unimportant to the Obama campaign that they can’t find time for the wife of the candidate to meet with this group for one hour some time in the next 13 months? What’s with the Women for Obama page on your site? We certainly seem important there.

And we’re supposed to think that you’ll listen to us once you get into office?!!!

Don’t even get me started on my whole “it’s mommies we can send the wife to cover this one” tirade.

I just wonder. Have any your consultants looked at the voter files lately? Have they missed the fact that women are more likely to vote on Election Day? That, as Mr. Obama put it just last Friday,

“Women have always made the difference in every election, and this year, your voice, your hope will be the deciding factors in forging a new future for America.”

My offer still stands to all the rest of the candidates. My house, mom bloggers and snacks.

Just let me know when. I’ll see if I can fit it in. Don’t worry though, if I can’t maybe my husband could stand in for me.

********************************************

Until the candidates figure out that we’re worth talking to, I decided to go and see what they had to say about issues. This exercise alone was informative, entertaining and, in some cases, down right horrifying.

Some of them get it, and some of them don’t.

I give you the Issues sections (or the closest thing I could find to it) from the Presidential candidates of each major political party currently registered with the Federal Election Commission.

Joe Biden (D)

Sam Brownback (R)

Hillary Clinton (D)

Chris Dodd (D)

John Edwards (D)

Mike Gravel (D)

Rudy Guiliani (R)

Mike Huckabee (R)

Duncan Hunter (R)

Dennis Kucinich (D)

John McCain (R)

Ron Paul (R)

Bill Richardson (D)

Mitt Romney (R)

Tom Tancredo (R)

Fred Thompson (R)

…but this pisses me off.

Paris Hilton has been released from prison and is serving the rest of her sentence under house arrest.

OMFG!!!

Sources are citing “medical” conditions for this development.

What?! What could it possibly be that demanded house arrest?

I was thinking maybe constipation or having to pee in front of others.

Wait!

Those are the same things that happened to me after birth. Oh yeah! And, I didn’t leave the house for a while either.

Sorry for the interruption. Move along. OF COURSE that’s the appropriate manner to deal with those “conditions” (and my shit comes out in baggies).

House arrest should help her get better. I mean I didn’t have the maids, butlers, goose feather pillows or cooks, but I like to rough it like that.

So Mr. Three came to work with me today due to the fact that we’re too lazy to drive just one kid to daycare if the other isn’t going his brother had a dentist appointment. As an added bribe to make up for having to spend the day in my office (turning the only place in my life that is neat into a mini-version of my home, I might add) we stopped by Micky D’s for breakfast on the way in.

Three has been really into Happy Meals lately for all the Shrek toys, so this addition to his day was greeted with cheers.

On our way down the highway, Three had Donkey, Artie and Shrek in his lap and they were all having a Three-choreographed conversation with small interludes of their recorded voices taking over. Apparently, Artie “doesn’t know anything about being a king.” Donkey likes playing “peek-a-boo” and this little-known fact was revealed about Shrek…

“I’m a hooker!”

Or so Three insists that’s what he’s saying.

The Southern Fried Mom over at Grits and Cheese has awarded me Thinking Blogger Award. I have to admit I must have reread her post at least four times to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me.

I’ve watched this award weave its way throughout many of my favorite blogs, and I chalked it up as one that would never apply to this here blog. You see, as much as I had loved the idea that someone would consider me so, I’m afraid I haven’t been provding the kind of content that could be considered “thoughful.” So you could imagine my surprise when I saw I was awarded. Thank you. I am humbled.

But now? The PRESSURE. Now I feel like I need to actually say something worth saying. Oh crap!

First let me get the particulars out of the way. I want to pass this distinguished title (yeah, I don’t know if I can say that with a straight face now that I’ve been included) to the following folks.

A Citizen at Hysterical and Useless for providing such thought-provoking posts in small manageable doses.

Paige at The Avery Lane Experience and not just because she inspired me to go buy some vitamins this weekend.

There’s NOLA Notes not only for making me think of my beloved city, but also for setting an example of perserverance and not giving up on that city.

The Pissed Off Housewife and I don’t always agree politically, but I sure do love her and love being challenged by her.

And finally, Beth at Books Etc. from whom I gain so much regarding her experience raising boys and her ability to make me fall in love with words all over again.

So each of you may now pass this award on to five bloggers who have made you think. And just link back to this post. That’s it.

As for my thinking? I think all the time. It’s actually a problem. My brain is always racing. Most of the time however it’s full of random thoughts and anxieties that I can neither control or channel into multi-million dollar ideas. I often need to turn on the TV at night just so I can stop the racing thoughts long enough to fall asleep. I dream all night–vividly, and I almost always remember them in the morning. So I think I have the thinking down. What I need to master however is ability to transform those thoughts from paste to gems.

Tell me. What you’ve been thinking about lately? If you have nothing in mind, leave me a word association. Start with this word:

LEMON

As if I didn’t already have a sufficient number of body image issues, now I have to worry about something like this happening too?!

Go ahead, you’ve got to read it. And don’t miss the link to the photo. I had NO idea this was possible.