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Today I described how I see myself in my mind’s eye as a naked, flesh-colored jelly bean.
I’m not sure that this is a description that will mean anything to anyone else. I’m not sure it’s exactly the vision I have, but it comes closest. Maybe you’d get a better idea if I added that it’s probably one of those gross booger-flavored jelly beans from Harry Potter–I’ve steered clear of Jelly Belly’s in fear of getting one of those ever since I read the first book.
Why a naked jelly bean?
It’s mostly the amorphous blob shape, I imagine.
When I told my friend this he laughed and shook his head at me.
Last night I had the chance to talk to a childhood friend who told me that she always thought I was the “together” one. We were in 5th grade the last time we saw each other. How could I have been “together” in 5th grade? I’ll tell you what, I wasn’t.
But this is a trend. People often think I look like I know what I’m doing. A lot of times I do. But many times I don’t. Many times I feel like I’m the only person in the room who doesn’t have it all together.
I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I probably shouldn’t, but I can’t get the image of the naked, flesh-colored jelly bean out of my head.
Oh yeah, and I’m way jealous of people with good handwriting.
November 10th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
how funny! as i was writing you this morning, i too reflected on you as being together! that is how i remember you!
gwynne
November 11th, 2008 at 8:14 am
You’re not alone – I’m the other person in the room thinking “How does everyone else know what’s going on? How come I never realised before that I’m a complete moron?”
November 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I definitely have that imposter syndrome, too. And you are my favorite kind of jelly bean.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am
You do come across as having it together. I think it’s common to think that about ourselves, that we are flailing. But we also learn to cover it well.
You’re way more beautiful than a jelly bean.
November 11th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Oh God! I always hate it when people say that I am together and confident. I think in my head who am I fooling, them or me? It’s so weird how your outer and inner selves can be so conflicted, ya know?
And if you are a jelly bean, you are most definitely bubble gum, sugary and delicious. (and, no, I’m not coming on to you!)
You have AWESOME handwriting by the way. I’ve always thought that you have “cool girl” handwriting!
November 11th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I agree. You DO come across as being very together.
PS – Everybody hates their body.
November 11th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Do people still write things by hand? I send myself e-mails.
November 11th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
okay, this is my third try posting a message…what is WRONG with me??? you are no jellybean, but a muffin on the outside and a JALAPENO PEPPER on the inside, baby! you have got it together and can manage a family, a career PLUS you are one of the few people who i can sit in a room with white walls and nothing else to do and still stay up all night! don’t forget that spicy side, no matter what you think! oh, and i would kill for your eyes…
xoxo,
pfunky!
November 12th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
People often make the same mistake about me.
The funniest one I hear is,”You seem so confident!” Me….the most self conscious, neurotic, and paranoid person on the planet…..confident? Not likely!
If it makes you feel better…I never thought you had your sh*t together! (hee-hee)
November 17th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
found you
November 18th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
it’s amazing how much more in control everyone seems from the outside. that self confidence is almost 100% of the time some sort of front, the few that actually are as self assured as they seem are either actual happy people or assholes.
November 20th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Dude, I’m a total phony. People think I have my act together, and I don’t even have the energy to say pshaw anymore. I do think I have good handwriting so I guess I have that going for me.