Busy contemplating the critical issues facing humanity–or the sore joint on my left pinky–I looked up into my rear-view mirror on my drive home from work and noticed a red car behind me.

Then I looked in my side mirror, as is my habit to check all mirrors while I’m driving (I’m so safe) and there was another red car on my left.

Then I looked to my right…another red car. And in front of me? Another red car.

I was surrounded by red cars!

Okay so government agents and crime syndicates probably don’t use red cars when going after a mark, but it was a little weird.

And then I looked up.

Yep. A black helicopter was flying overhead.

I’m not kidding.

Now I may not blog under my full name, but I don’t wear tinfoil inside my hats. Shoot, I throw away magazines and catalogs with my name and address on them. In the trash. Without shredding the information!

You didn’t know I was an international spy did you? Oh sure. I’m constantly evading convoys of red cars and black helicopters. It gets quite boring actually.

The whole suburban, working mommy blogger thing had you fooled didn’t it?

This is the reason I didn’t get to vote yesterday.

This is the reason it took me two and half hours to go the first thee miles of my commute.

I left the office at 5:45 p.m. and arrived home at 10:15 p.m. I had ten miles to traverse.

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I’m not strong with math, but I’m pretty sure that even after subtracting my one hour stop for peeing and food (what? there were no cups in the car) and the use of improper fractions, the rate of my progress was akin to Alice’s courtship to Sam, the butcher.