My kids are tired of hearing it.  I try to change up the line every once in a while, but the message is still the same.

Even if you are born with a gift, you will never excel unless you practice, practice, practice.

My favorite current saying is “You play like you practice.”  The boys are already rolling their eyes at that one, but it’s true.

Anderson Cooper didn’t get on air right away.  He bought a camera and forged a press pass and took himself to Myanmar and filmed stories of the students fighting the Burmese government until his stories were good enough to be picked up.

Eighty-eight year old Betty White is still practicing sixty years after she began her career–and it’s paying off.  She will soon be on SNL and appearing in a new TV series.

Tiger Woods even has to practice (and he still couldn’t outrun his wife).

I’ve been blogging for a long time in the scheme of things, but I’ve often allowed days or weeks lapse in between posts.  That has prevented me from getting into a groove with my writing and my voice and is a habit I’m trying to break.

And despite the fact that I know this is true, it’s great to hear a master storyteller say the same thing.

I wish I could remember where I first saw the link to this video.  I’d love to give that blogger credit.  It’s helped me more than I can say.

What is something you’ve been meaning to practice more?  How has practice paid off for you?

There has been an interesting conversation happening over on BlogHer in response to a post written by Loralee Choate.  She wonders in her post if “big bloggers” owe it to “small bloggers” to help them out and pull them up.

I left a comment suggesting that it’d be nice for bloggers to help each other and pointing out that some very famous bloggers often support each other for mutual gain, but that there should be no expectation of help.

And I believe this.  Really.  Sort of.  But some days it annoys me that I do.  Because if I believe this, I must also believe that bloggers who make something of themselves on their own deserve what they achieve and some days…I’m not convinced.

I’m breaking some big personal rules by even writing this, but I can’t stay quiet about Jennifer Mendelsohn’s piece last Friday in the New York Times.

Yet again, another woman is willing to sell out her sisters for the price of entry to the boy’s club.

When will it stop?  What are we standing to gain?  What are we standing to lose?

If you believe the article millions.  And we who are called “mommybloggers” are alternately “girly-bonding” and clawing each other out of the way to get at them.

Many smart women have written about the problems with the author’s article–and there are many–and I didn’t think I had anything to add, until I read Lindsay’s post today.  It was the way she addressed the author directly not the main stream media at large that got me thinking about what I would say if she were standing in front of me.

Assume that I inserted all the points made by Joanne,  Kelby and Liz and allow me to add these three:

Jennifer,

1.  “Girly-bonding”??!!!  Seriously?  I attend meetings and conferences for work all the time.  Never, not once have they ever been referred to as “girly-bonding” sessions.  You severely underestimate the intellect, power and professionalism of mom bloggers at your peril by using this term.  When I attend these events–and men are there–it IS called a networking event?  (Okay Joanne made this same point very well but I had to add my $.02 because I am THAT enraged by the term.)

2.  We’re not all blogging for SEO and pageviews (Sure I’d love rockstar pageviews.  Name one person writing online who wouldn’t like to have others appreciate their work.).  I am a full-time political consultant.  I don’t blog for the money or my kids would be in rags.  Is it okay if I “ignore”  my children while I’m at work?  Or should I give that up too?  Is it a problem that there are other women online who write well or that you don’t believe women should be doing anything but taking care of their children?  And if the latter is true, where is your child while you are writing and researching your stories?

3.  As a woman writing about other women writers, you did a disservice to many of the communities to which you belong (mother, writer, woman online, female professional).  Haven’t we trudged a long way enough baby?  I don’t think women should be given a bye by a female writer because they are women, and I maintain that no one blogger or writer owes it to anyone to pull others up (though Anna Quindlen would disagree.  You’ve heard of her, right?) but to tear them down?  You only make it harder on yourself in the long run.

edited to add:

4.  There’s a fourth point.  My children actually benefit from my blogging.  Just one example happened last week.  My 7 year old went to a premiere for The Discovery Channel’s forthcoming documentary Life.  Not only did he get to see it, he got to hear from the very people who made it.  He learned that there are real people whose job it is to film animals (a topic of great interest to him), that there are people whose job it is to make movies.   Oh and the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra accompanied the premiere, so he got to experience a live orchestra and learn that there are people who make a living playing instruments other than a guitar.  The event made a big impression on my second grader.  And the only reason I had the opportunity to take him to this special event was because relationships I’ve made through blogging.

Sincerely,
Amie

All this has me so fired up I need to go out and “help” a small blogger now.

Oh wait.  I am a small blogger.

I know my MOM loves me.  Of course, SHE does, but she’s my mom and she’s supposed to love her child.

That’s the excuse I used forever to beat myself up.

I convinced myself–and attempted to convince the world–for more than half of my life that I had it all together.  I was strong.  I was unphased.  I was smart.  I could do it all without fear.  The larger events happening around me?  That’s just life.  Why cry over spilled milk?

But I could only wear that smile and bright red dress for so long before they became too restrictive and heavy and eventually impossible to put on every morning.

It turns out that being adopted, having my father just leave one day, gaining a new step-father (and distraction for my mother), having a sister who was battling addiction and failed loves did affect me no matter how much I wanted to pretend they didn’t.

The effect?  I became convinced that I deserved this all.  Clearly I wasn’t enough.  I mean I was the common denominator.  I wasn’t ever enough to make people stay–to keep them from leaving me.  Yep, this was just life.  Some people live in golden sunshine and others don’t.  I was one of the “others.”  Identifying it almost felt like a relief.  Now that I understood the ways of the world I could move forward with the knowledge that this was the way life was going to be.  Make some adjustments to your expectations girl and hope to have to opportunity warm up in the reflected glow of the ones you know who are on the golden path.

That got me through the next few years.

Then some really big shit happened:  Marriage, the arrival of a child with 48 hours notice, the loss of a tremendously important loved one, pregnancy and birth.

I discovered real, true love.

Real love.  True love.  It wasn’t waning.  It wasn’t perfect.  But, it endured.

And slowly, over time, I’ve been discovering that my mom didn’t just love me because it was her job.  I didn’t have to keep spinning for the happiness of others to be worthy of their love.  There might even be a chance that I could love myself.  Not too much right away–let’s not get ahead of ourselves–but a little bit here and there just to see how it feels.

The unconditional love of my children* has been one of the best lessons on this path, but so too have the words of fellow bloggers and authors like Brene Brown who remind me I do deserve love–most importantly from myself TODAY.

Brene is celebrating a week of worthiness on her blog to commemorate the release of her DVD The Hustle of Worthiness.  I have a copy of the DVD to give away.  Please leave a comment below–maybe share a tip on how you discovered your worthiness–to be entered to win.  The winner will be chosen at random on Monday.

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*Two of my three children are still rather young.  There is some divine power that builds up the tank of the love you get from your children when they’re young to leave you with enough reserves to survive their teen years.

If you missed part 1, you can catch it here.

This post really should be titled “The Kindness of Others.”

First up: Tracey Clark

Tracey is a woman who makes me feel at ease the moment I’m in her presence. When I’m around Tracey I feel like I’m the most creative and beautiful and interesting person. And I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Tracey sees potential in every woman to be creative and beautiful. This is evidenced by her work building the collaborative photo site Shutter Sisters and by a new project she has launching soon.

We had a talk about Shutter Sisters at the Mom 2.0 Summit. She was talking about her goals for the site–about how she wanted everyone to feel like they had something to contribute there. I told her how much I loved the site, how much it inspired me and my photography but I admitted that I would never have the confidence to submit a photo to the site. I have this giant fear that the collective Sisters O’Shutter would sigh and feel sorry for me and my feeble attempt to capture the theme.

I think she fake slapped at me when I said that.

You have to understand. Tracey is a REAL photographer. She studied photography. She’s worked in studios. She has her own business. People pay her real money for her photos of things like banana bread.

Photo by Tracey Clark

How could I deign to include myself in the same group she belonged to?

But you know what? Tracey makes me feel like a real photographer. She excitedly showed me her new Epiphanie camera bag (go check out the site they’re having an incredible give-away to celebrate the launch of their new bags). We talked about light. She talked to me like an equal about her upcoming photography workshop (by the way I’ve already signed up and you should too).

Tracey’s confidence in me (in all women) gives me confidence to think of myself as a photographer and the freedom to find my creative style.

How’s that for inspiration?!

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Her first email to me started with the line “Hahahah.  I don’t do design anymore” (because she’s so busy with her new business).

Could have fooled me.

A week before the Mom 2.0 Summit I realized I didn’t have blogging business cards.  I had a new site and new URL and I was about to hang out hundreds of fabulous women and have no way to tell them about it.

Of course I lamented about this on Twitter.  And what happened?

Amy “Dish On Design” Moeller spent her valuable time creating one for me because she likes to “pay it forward.”

I was ready to scribble my URL on a bunch of index cards and hand them out, but no.  Amy wasn’t having that.  I’ve worked with paid designers in my professional life who were less concerned about the outcome than she was.

Amy and I have never met in real life.  We haven’t been reading each others’ blogs for years.  She saw another woman in need and stepped up to share her talent because she could.

In working together, we got to know each other better and each gained a new friend in the world.

Amy’s generosity reaffirmed in me the ability we all have to make someone’s life better by doing what we know how to do.

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I hope these two incredible women inspire you too.

Who or what inspired you this week?

There have been many times that I’ve thought I’d stop blogging, but the community–the incredible people I’ve met online and in real life keeps me engaged.

My sisters in Kirtsy (the amazing Amy and Mary and Karey and Betsy and Kyran and oh there are so many more) have over the years turned me on to some rockin’ bloggers and websites that I often get lost in.  Kirsty should be one of your daily stops online.  And don’t just go there for the links, share what you love there too.

Marta Writes is one of my favorite discoveries through Kirtsy.  Marta is a graphic designer and mother who lives in Idaho and sprinkles the world with wonderful on her blog.  As a little Christmas present to myself, I purchased some of her mini diaries that feature easy little prompts to record the happenings in your life (check out her shop here for a number of other neat items).

The real reason I’m talking about Marta’s blog today though is because of the free workshop she is running this week on her blog.

The workshop focuses on how to blog like a pro, tips for success and finding balance in blogging and even how to deal with online jealousy.  I love when incredible bloggers are willing to share their wisdom and the fact that she’s doing it for free?!  Check it out.  The series starts here.

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It’s one thing to get to know fellow bloggers online, but to meet them in person and click with them in real life, well that just makes my day.  The following woman is a fine chica I had the chance to spend time with last month at the Mom 2.0 Summit (go next year if you can!).

Julie Cole is flat out one cool-ass chick!

Talk about a girl I can laugh my ass of with and then discuss important family issues all inside of five minutes.  She’s plain lucky I didn’t stick my tongue in her ear in Houston.  One of the coolest things about Julie is that she is a business owner  (woohoo Mabel’s Labels) who completely gets social media and participates actively herself.  In full disclosure, Julie also gave me a coupon she won for $150 off an item from Cambria Cove because she saw that I had my eye on this fabulous computer bag–see what I mean total awesome-sauce this one–but I’d love her even without the clear attempt at bribery.

Julie & co at Mabel’s Labels don’t give to just friends though, they give to the community too.  They are currently running a contest that results in a winner getting an all-expense paid trip to BlogHer in NYC AND a one-year, paid gig to blog for Mabel’s Labels.  That kind of kindness makes me all warm and giddy inside.

And PS on this one:  Though their labels initially look like they’re mostly for kids, don’t be mistaken.  I have some with my name on them that are the tiny perfect size to stick on all of my camera equipment and they DO NOT come off.

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I don’t want to distract you with too much goodness in one post.  Come back tomorrow for more links to the folks who have inspired me this week.

I’m turning 40 next month.  I want to commemorate the event in some way, yet all of the ideas I have require money I shouldn’t spend and time away from my boys.

Is this a midlife crisis?

There are so many days that I could just pack a backpack and go.  I want to explore and document and learn.  Those are hard things to do when you have a job and a family and a mortgage.  Even just me and my camera and a convertible on a trek across the US, that would work.

I was lucky enough to have the time and resources to backpack through Europe in my early 20’s.  It gave me the bug for travel.  I want to see the world.  I want to capture its colors.  I want to photograph its details–its every day.  How do I make that a career? at 40?  with three kids?

I feel so selfish wishing for freedom.  I know in my heart I wouldn’t give up what I have, but the temptation is mighty powerful some days.

And then there are all of these earthquakes…  Did the Mayans have it right?  Will the world end in 2012?  What would we all be doing if it were?

Ten years ago today you were tearing open presents in a room full of adults. I’ll admit we were in a little over our heads. You had been living with us for five months and we were still all getting used to each other. I didn’t know how to throw a birthday party for a four year-old.

There was cake and a character-themed paper table cloth and party hats. There weren’t any other kids. You never complained once.

And today you’re a teenager! You complain a lot now–but I know the hormones are to blame for that.

In you I still see that beautiful little boy, but now I am also beginning to see the incredible man you will become (that is if you don’t stop rolling your eyes at me every other minute, because if that doesn’t stop you might not see 14).

Happy Birthday Dude! I am so proud to be your mom.

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

I wrote this post from a bar Saturday night and for some reason rather than posting here it created a new blog. Confusing…

It’s NaBloPoMo so I need to post but I’m actually out on a Saturday night!!!

I know it’s hard to believe.

We’re celebrating Kris'(http://www.notyetawino.com) birthday. I am happy to report she doesn’t look any older than last week–it might be the new cute haircut–and we’re having fun.

Stop by her blog, wish her Happy Birthday.

Oh yeah, Devra (http://www.parentopia.com), Laurie (http://www.lauriewrites.typepad.com), Kim (http://www.kimsnotebook.com), and Ryan (http://theplatinumyears.blogspot.com) are all here too–plus many more.

Okay, i’ve written enough for doing this from a BlackBerry in a bar. I love you, but I love my night out more.

Cheers!!

I thought I had a post brewing. It seemed like something I could sink my teeth into, something a bit more revealing. I’m also working on the next installment of How He Became Our Son, but then I found this series today.

Incredible writing. Incredible strength. An incredible woman.

So rather than posting myself, I had to sit and read the whole thing.

It’s amazing.

And frankly, I’m almost embarrassed to even be recounting my adventure by comparison.

I’m sitting with some serious perspective right now.