The Crazy Hip Blog Mamas want to know how owning a Pink Nintendo DS Lite could make me more hip to my children. Or so that’s what their email said today.
My initial response to this is: How could anything created in the 21st century NOT make me hipper? And to just my children? Why stop there? How about to the world?
You see I think the gods are conspiring to let me know today just how unhip I am–because before today, I was delusionalunder the impression I was doing a’right.
If you will, please follow along as I recount my day and you can decide for yourself.
8:30 a.m. I hop into the shower and spent a pleasant seven uninterruped minutes staring at the powder blue tiles which line my hospital-sized shower stall–it was considered HUGE in the 60’s.
8:37 a.m. I decide what to wear to work. Today’s selection a pink sweater from Talbot’s (my mom shops at Talbot’s!), jeans from Old Navy–which were on sale the saleswoman explained–scanning me from toe to head–because the waist was much higher than most “people” today like to wear them. And for shoes? No Dansko mom-clog shoes for me today…no way (that was yesterday and the day before)! I’m going high fashion with a nice pair of low black pumps–from the Talbot’s outlet.
8:45 a.m. (It takes me a while to squeeze myself into my freshly washed jeans). The hair. No time this morning. We’re going with the wet look, which on the way in to the office I adorn with an adorable clear plastic clip piling the front of my just below the chin hair on top of my head.
9:00 a.m. I’m off to work. Hop in the car (with two carseats in the backseat, a whole team’s worth of baseball equipment and some “cute” paisley boxes I bought to organize my mess of a room in the way back and kids stickers pasted to the insides of the windows of the back seat). Decide NOT to listen to the XM radio, because I need to hear the news not music.
9:30 a.m. Traffic is really heavy today…still in the car. A few nice people let me cut in front of them, so I roll down my window each time–even though it’s 30 degrees out–to make sure I give them the thank you wave.
10:30 a.m. Check a few of my favorite blogs. Jessica over at Oh The Joys lets me know that my current hairstyle is a “mom” haircut. And here I thought going to that salon downtown would ensure a fashionable style.
12:30 p.m. Eat chicken salad for lunch–because I’m back on that low-carb diet (remember…hippy)–and decide that I really don’t like capers.
2:23 p.m. Exchange emails with an old boyfriend who still looks exactly like he did when we dated oh so long ago. Tell him about my blog. His reply? “Jesus H. Christ…first gardening and now a blog? You are such a dork!” Yeah that felt good.
4:17 p.m. Attempt to go to the bathroom by myself while only one child is home. Have a conversation with my oldest son about how he doesn’t like that we’re pulling all the wall to wall up in our house–especially in his room. I tell him it was so dirty we needed to get rid of it. He tells me I’m “soooo old fashioned.”
5:55 p.m. Back in the car to pick up the littlest guys. Decide to listen to the XM radio. Tune it to the 80’s station. But in a brief moment of coolness, someone lets me cut in front of them and I DON’T give them the wave. But then someone else let me in, and I just couldn’t be so rude again.
6:36 p.m. I serve my children a casserole named after my husband.
So that pretty much brings us up to now.
OMG!!! I gotta go find a nice high ledge. I hope someone truly worthy wins the prize.
Future MILF status is coming slowly, but we do have progress. Unfortunately, I can’t provide an accounting of the pounds removed, because I haven’t been able to bring myself to get on the home scale. What I can tell you is that the waistbands of my pants are more comfortable.
**Warning to men and boys. The following is a story that will make you thank god once again that you are not a woman. Read at your own risk**
I’m experiencing a little bit of a broken heart. And I can’t tell Shakey about it, because well being my husband and all…he probably wouldn’t understand.