I’m turning 40 next month.  I want to commemorate the event in some way, yet all of the ideas I have require money I shouldn’t spend and time away from my boys.

Is this a midlife crisis?

There are so many days that I could just pack a backpack and go.  I want to explore and document and learn.  Those are hard things to do when you have a job and a family and a mortgage.  Even just me and my camera and a convertible on a trek across the US, that would work.

I was lucky enough to have the time and resources to backpack through Europe in my early 20’s.  It gave me the bug for travel.  I want to see the world.  I want to capture its colors.  I want to photograph its details–its every day.  How do I make that a career? at 40?  with three kids?

I feel so selfish wishing for freedom.  I know in my heart I wouldn’t give up what I have, but the temptation is mighty powerful some days.

And then there are all of these earthquakes…  Did the Mayans have it right?  Will the world end in 2012?  What would we all be doing if it were?