Dear Small People* Who Climb into Bed with me at Night,

It sends warm fuzzy feelings directly to my heart just thinking about the fact that the most comforting thing to you is to sleep nestled up against me.

BUT, we must have some rules. Trust me, following these will come in handy later in life. I can’t get into the WHY now, but I promise. I’m your mom. Would I lie to you?

1. Humans lie PARALLEL to each other in bed.

2. Limbs are to remain still–even during dream state. Flinging and flailing of extremities is strictly prohibited.
3. Wetting the bed is not appreciated—especially when you leave your co-sleeper with the wet spot to sleep in.
4. All nails must be trimmed neatly. Drawing blood is highly frowned upon by most except for the random girls who read Twilight one too many times and really?? That trend will be tired by the time you’re old enough to understand what a freak your mom is for giving you these helpful hints for “co-sleeping.”

Love,
Mom**

*No! I’m not talking about THOSE little people, I finished with that phase back in ’97. Jeez, keep up!

**The same mom who worries weekly about the kind of mate you will make later in life, and winces just a little each day for the men or women who might have to live with your love of fart humor and inability to pee INTO the toilet.