Do you and your significant other have your lists assembled? Are they fluid or is the rule at your house that they must be laminated–no substitutions?

You know what I’m talking about right? The list of 5 famous people you can hook up with should you actually be presented with the opportunity.

There’s no laminating in our house. Because, you know, we’re surrounded by so many celebrities here in the DC burbs that we just don’t want to get pinned down.

So here’s my current version:

1. Patrick Dempsey
2. Bono
3. Derek Jeter
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Patrick Dempsey

And Shakey’s:

1. Ashley Judd
2. Ashley Judd
3. Ashley Judd
4. Ashley Judd
5. Ashley Judd

As you can see, we’re both pretty committed.

So who’s on your list?

And because this was inspired by Joe, who would be on your list if you decided to switch teams?

Me? Thanks for asking…

1. Ashley Judd (the brunette version)
2. Mariska Hargitay
3. Jenna Jameson (oh come on! you know she must have a trick or two)
4. Ashley Judd (the red head version)
5. Ashley Judd (the blonde version)

So be honest. Who’s your fantasy Daddy/Mamma?

And I totally reserve the right to adopt your list if it’s better than mine.

Lovely comments abound from men of a certain age (older than 35?) admitting that they like their women with a little meat on them. What sweet, sweet music to my ears.

You see I have no aspirations of being rail thin. I’d be happy for “in shape.” Pursuing heroin chic for me would be like searching for the end of a rainbow. I was blessed with curves, that for once in my life, I actually don’t want to lose completely. I’m happy to look like a woman. Though yet another cruel joke of nature is that some of those “curves” tend to be the first things to disappear when I do lose weight. And that’s sad, because I’ve loved reading those Ds on the bra tags for the first time in my life.

Anyway, I had a good week. Ate healthy. Stuck to my plan. No snacks. No sugar.

I’ll be hopping of the wagon for a brief time at the end of next week, because no one can really expect me to go to New Orleans and not enjoy the best part about the city–THE INCREDIBLE FOOD.

Did I mention I’m going to New Orleans next week?! I’m going to New Orleans next weekend for a long weekend!

I am so excited! Went to school there. Haven’t been back for years. This will be the first trip there together for me and Shakey. The first time we’ve gone away alone with each other in seven (yes, I said SEVEN) years. Cue Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On.” Oh yeah, and there will be basketball–first and second round of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.

New Orleans, basketball, food and sex…don’t hate me!

Two items today.

1. From the Washington City Paper classifieds this week. Eating Disorder Support Group: Meets from 1:00-2:00 p.m. in the Holy Cross Hospital dining room. Um?
2. An MFOM (Male Friend of Mamma) in New Orleans reported this week of having lunch in the same restaurant as Angelina Jolie. When questioned about her beauty his response was, “Her face is gorgeous, but she is so so thin that her body looks disgusting.” I almost crawled through the phone to mount him right then and there.

I wouldn’t say that I write for a living, but my job does entail quite a bit of writing. I sort of took this job as a personal challenge because I was always so afraid to write for others. You might find this ironic considering you’re reading my blog right now (are you? are there actually still readers?) Anyway, I don’t consider what I write here real writing because it’s usually just what comes flowing out of my brain when I sit down in front of my computer. But whatever…this is all just a really long-winded way to bring up the topic occupying my thoughts this evening.

Writing.

Is there one consulting firm (or industry of writers) who specialize in writing directions and packaging copy for sex-related items? Or does each company hire their own copywriter? This inquiring mind wants to know.

I mean, can you imagine being at a cocktail party and asking someone what they do with their day and they say, “oh I write the instruction inserts for condoms.” Pardon me while I pull this lull out of my pocket.

This IS someone’s job! I love that!

How do you think they got into it? Do you think they rose up through the corporate ranks at the vibrator factory or were they hired on specifically for their writing skills? Do they giggle when they sit down with a new product or are they so tired of looking at blow-up dolls that they think they might curl up in a ball at the sight of one more? Do you think there are writers who specialize in one variety of “toy” over another? Is there a hierarchy of what products they write for? “I used to write for latex, but I only do leather now.”

Speaking of which, you know the US Patent and Trade Office has to review everyone of these products if they apply for a patent. I actually think I’ve heard that there is one division that specializes in this area. Again with the conversation.

Mr. Smith: “How was work honey?”
Mrs. Smith: “Well, I reviewed this new dildo today. It’s ten inches long and is made of the most realistic new polycarbon material. And it will be available with or without the most realistic feeling pubic hair I’ve ever seen.”
Mr. Smith: “That’s nice dear.”

I have GOT to meet someone who has one of these jobs. I have so many questions!

I can’t wait to tell you about the amazing day I had yesterday, but I owe my fellow future MILFs an update, so here it goes.

• You know what I had for dessert tonight? Girl Scout cookies.
• You know what happened to my diet last week? A conference. Think lots of mojitos.
• You know the liklihood I’m getting on the scale today? Zilch.

But Shakey still thinks I got it going on (bow chicka bow wow) so I’m not sweating the setback.

Hope your week was more successful than mine (on the diet front that is)!

Well Hi from Miami!

Hanging out in the Sunshine state for a business conference and wishing the sun would shine. It’s hard to complain when it’s forty degrees warmer here than home, but there’s no sun. False adverstising!!

Speaking of false advertising, don’t ever stay at the Miami Beach Resort and Spa. I was all excited about having four days at a swanky resort and well…I think they filmed Scarface at this hotel. I swear Al Pacino is going to come around the corner any minute. Remember metallic wallpaper? They love it here. Requested a king-sized bed, got two doubles–doubles! Don’t these people understand that I spend most of my bed time at home sleeping with at least one if not two or three other people? I was all about spreading out on a huge bed, hogging all the pillows. But no. Two flat pillows, a double bed (not queen mind you). My grandmother has mattresses that are newer than ones in my room. I sat down last night and was greeted with a lovely spring to the butt. Being here without my husband, I wasn’t expecting so much action.

Anyway, avoid this place. If you do have recommendations for fun places to see in Miami Beach, please send them my way. I have time to kill over the next few days. I might have to go fishing if nothing else (see below).

Hanging out with fun people on the trip. No bloggers in the group so they all think it’s a bit weird that I have a blog. The universal opinion seems to be that they don’t want to pry into someone’s personal diary. I tried to assure them that’s not what they would find. We’ll see if they check it out.

So for the record…Mamma Loves…

White Boy #1
The Other White Boy
BossLady
and last but certainly not least…
The Chinese Redneck.

Before I get any angry comments, the term “white boy” refers to their lack of tans and the Chinese Redneck gave herself that name. She loves to fish. Please do not mistake these for racial slurs. Racism is something Mamma Does NOT Love.

Holy Christmas!! It’s finally over.

So The Departed. That was a surprise. I think Babel was a terrific movie but most people probably fell asleep while watching it and never found out how it ended so they didn’t feel like they could vote for it.

I was bummed Cars didn’t win for best animated film. But I get to see it so many times a week (thanks Mr. 3) that I’ll keep appreciating it despite it’s runner-up status.

I was surprised Peter O’Toole didn’t win. He’s been nominated what 8 times and he’s not looking so healthy. I was sure the academy was going to go with the “body of work” vote there.

Martin Scorcese–oh my god I would HAVE to be acting WITH Leonardo DiCaprio (with a sex scene) to act in a movie that man directed. I think he would annoy me after just a few seconds (though I’m sure he’s a lovely man).

And Leo…oh I could just look at him forever. So glad Ellen pointed him out for our benefit in her monologue.

So that’s it for my wrap-up. Back to the painting. I’m almost done. A lovely pale yellow.

People! Don’t you know I need to get to bed. It’s 11:49 p.m. and you just got to the dead people montage. By the way, I forgot Don Knotts died last year.

Ugh! I don’t even really care about the Oscars…that’s the funny thing.

I leave for Miami in the morning and I’m putting the third coat of paint on my bathroom so Shakey can have it back while I’m gone and crap I still have to pack. The Oscars are just keeping me company right now. Well and you of course.

The Best Supporting Actress category was definitely filled with some incredible actresses. Jennifer Hudson. And she really did seemed shocked. I love that someone can work hard and actually have their dream come true. Man has her life changed in just a short time!

And Gwyneth Paltrow’s dress? She is always so classy! Kate Blanchett’s and Helen Mirren’s are beautiful too.

Do you think Al is really considering a run? I’ve heard more and more people talking about being interested in him as a candidate. Maybe he’s just letting Clinton and Obama battle it out and then he’ll sweep in with fresh money when they’re all bloody and limping.

What’d you think?