Leave it to PFunky to set me straight–and some uplifting words from Laurie to put me on a better track.*

I’ve been pissed off all day. On Twitter I was reading about all the “GREAT” and “FANTASTIC” plans people have for the new year. Everyone was so freaking chipper. Apparently I only follow the uber-achievers whose sole purpose in life is to make me feel like a big gigantic loser by comparison.

Where am I going? What am I going to do next? What have I accomplished so far? What do I have to show for my time on this planet? Why was it again I went away to college? And moved away from home? How the heck am I going to make the changes I really want to make in my life?

Oh yeah, and I’m going to be 40 in 2010.

It wasn’t a pretty day.

Just moments ago, I was reminded that we are putting another decade on the books (I mean I knew this, but I didn’t really THINK about it), and then I started to think about my life 10 years ago.

The roof that is over my head? Didn’t belong to me yet.

The kind people I work for now? Hadn’t met ’em yet.

The three crazy, rambunctious, big-hearted boys who make me want to both pull out all my hair and laugh hysterically every single day? One just went back home to live with his mom and the other two were a vague concept.

I may not be world-famous (yet). I may not be the hottest mommy in town (yet). I may even still have that nasty Diet Coke habit (let’s not get too hasty with our resolutions), but I do have a life I couldn’t conceive of just ten years ago.

Makes me wonder how I’ll look back ten years from now.

*I hope you know how much your words meant to me today–always.

Holy cow!

I had no idea how exhausted my mother must have been during the holidays when I was a kid.

I have my three boys, the husband, my parents and brother in town. Not THAT many people, and I’m bushed.

My mom worked as an ER nurse when I was Santa-believing age. She regularly hosted twice as many people in a smaller house on a much smaller salary and never let us see her crack–not even once.

I am not worthy.

I’m 39 years old and it’s taken me this many years to get all of my presents wrapped before Christmas Eve…to have a dinner prepared the night my parents arrive (what? I take them to restaurants with cloth napkins!).

Mom hasn’t had to cook one thing so far this holiday (sure she just arrived this afternoon), I have all the groceries purchased for meals through Friday (even stuff for lunches) and I’m almost done with my cooking (yeah, so I’ll be up REALLY late).

But I’m kinda proud of myself.

I also can’t see straight let alone carry on a conversation with anyone.

So if you don’t hear from me for a few days, it’s not because I don’t love you. I do. But the torch has been passed and I’m the “mom” of the family now, and pretending to be organized is EXHAUSTING.

Merry Christmas!!!

We haven’t talked in such a long time. It’s been even longer since I’ve seen him.

If you ask me, I’ll tell you that I don’t have any feelings about him at all.

None.

Really.

I can summon nothing.

He is part of my past like kids from elementary school who moved away, like that shirt you had to have in 7th grade and only remember now when you leaf through the photo album at your mom’s house.

He was there one day–such an integral part of my life–and the next he was gone. The pain in the beginning was fierce, but when it subsided the relief erased everything. No more drama.

So why? Why today?

Why was the last thought I had before falling asleep last night one that suggested I should google him today?

I felt dirty just typing his name. I was embarrassed. What if someone found out I had looked for him? Was I really “looking” for him, or just wanting to know if he was still out there?

My upper lip is pulled up in a scowl as I type this now. I’m disgusted that I did it. Thinking that by admitting it here I will cleanse myself of this thing–this act of typing twelve letters and pressing Enter.

You’d think by my description there was abuse. There wasn’t. Well, unless you consider abandoning your 10 & 12 year old daughters with no notice abuse. Most days I don’t. I’ve often considered it a favor.

He just walked away one day.

His name doesn’t deserve to be uttered. It most certainly doesn’t deserve to be written. And I think that’s why I’m so repulsed by the fact that I did. I think I’m worried that just by mentioning him by name he will somehow manifest from thin air, and I REALLY don’t want that to happen.

Though winded from my happy dance, I wanted to be sure to record for posterity the conversation my son and I just had in the car.

Mr. Cool 8th Grader: Mom! I love history this year. It’s not really history. It’s civics. We’re talking about government and politics and stuff.

Me: I loved civics.

(I was a political science major you know)

MC8G: We talked about the President’s speech today.

Me: Really?

(thinking he’s referring to the President’s speech to the students)

MC8G: Yeah. That guy who yelled out…what an idiot. I mean he’s the President. You have to respect the office, ya know. It’s okay to think bad things, but you can’t always say them. He’s going to get it.

Me: See why I’ve been telling you that about not always having to comment on ev-ery thing? Did you know that Congressman’s likely opponent in the next election raised over $350k in the last 24 hours? All for that one little sentence he yelled.

(Pause while MC8G scarfs down the rest of his burrito.)

MC8G: You know, if there weren’t men in this world there probably wouldn’t be any wars. That’s just my two cents on it.

Me: (Trying to concentrate above the sounds of angels singing in my ears) What makes you say that?

MC8G: I don’t know it’s complicated.

Me: Is it because you think women wouldn’t start wars?

MC8G: Yeah. They probably wouldn’t solve problems that way.

Me: Well not all men want to solve problems that way.

MC8G: Oh I know. Some people have to fight. It’s their job.

Me: Yes. If you’re in the military you have to follow orders. That is your job. War isn’t always wrong, but sometimes we do get in wars we probably don’t have to.

MC8G: Why can’t we just be like Australia and kick back with our kangaroos? They just hang out. They don’t bother anyone.

Me: Well sometimes they join in.

MC8G: But most the time they’re hanging out on the porch petting their kangaroos. That’s what we should be like.

I’d like to believe this is all due to my incredible parenting, but HE CAME UP WITH THESE IDEAS ON HIS OWN PEOPLE!

This is the same child who shaved off most of his eyebrows in first grade because he thought they were getting too long.

I think I should probably quit here while I’m ahead.

Yesterday’s rain storms left us with a gorgeous day today.

My garden needing weeding, the carport needed organizing and well who doesn’t want to spend some time at the pool. But were the adults in this family doing that today?

No.

There we were pulling everything out of the car port so we could power wash the siding to remove the dirt encrusted spray of what looked like a case of soda. (I’m not sure it wasn’t that much.)

Apparently, when you get a group of kids together and provide them with an ice tub full of soda it’s really fun to shake them up and spray them at each other.

So we’re pulling out trash cans, setting up the power washer (and fighting over who gets to use it) when I look inside and notice that all three of our boys are inside in the air conditioning sitting out the couch playing video games.

Oh no they weren’t!!

All of the sudden I had a wonderful idea!

Boys come here please. Go get the bucket, a few scrub brushes and sponges and the dish soap and come out here please.

The boys were going to learn a lesson.

Oh cool! Yay bubbles! Can we wash the car next?

Yeah that lasted five minutes.

My arm hurts.

I’m doing all the work.

I’ve been scrubbing for 20 minutes and it won’t come off.

You’re a horrible mom.

Why yes my children. Yes I am. But my siding is clean and I’m thinking the next time you go to shake up a soda you might remember all the fun you had today.

Cause they’re going! One son is actually going twice and the middle guy told me how much he wanted to go when his big brother received the invitation. Because I want to maintain some sanity in my life this week, I didn’t tell him we were going on Thursday. I just suggested that we might go some day.

The last time I went to the circus I was 18 years old and it was a double date. My strongest memory of the night is when one of the elephants pooped. My friend lost her mind when it happened and I laughed until my sides hurt. If an elephant poops on stage this time, I’ll be with not one but three people who will go crazy. And I’ll probably laugh just as hard.

Now I received this great discount code for Ringling Bros and I wanted to make sure I passed it along. I hope you can take advantage of it. It’s a great deal!!

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top

Offer #1: Get 4 tickets for just $44 by entering the code “MOM” at select ticketing channels** including http://www.ticketmaster.com. Offer good on all performances, minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Gold Circle Seating, Circus Celebrity Seating, Front Row and VIP seating or combinable with other offers. Other Restrictions May Apply.

The tickets can be purchased from http://www.ticketmaster.com and by entering the MOM code in the MomCentral promotional box when purchasing tickets.

Offer #2: A select amount of Front Row and VIP seats have been reserved for you to buy before they go on sale to the public – just enter the code “MOM” when purchasing those seats.

***********************************************
Washington D.C. Show dates: March 19 through March 22
Washington D.C. location: http://www.verizoncenter.com/

Baltimore show dates: March 25 through April 5
Baltimore location: 1st Mariner Arena http://www.baltimorearena.com/

Fairfax, VA Show dates: April 8 through April 19
Fairfax, VA location: http://www.patriotcenter.com/

Here are the dates for the other communities the coupon code works for these dates too!!

Houston
Disney On Ice presents Mickey and Minnie’s Magical Journey
April 15-April 19

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 15-July 26

Dallas/Ft Worth
Disney On Ice presents Mickey & Minnie’s Magical Journey
March 18-March 29

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 29-August 16

Sunrise/Miami
Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy
March 26-April 5

Toronto
Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy
March 18-March 22

Kansas City
Disney On Ice presents Mickey & Minnie’s Magical Journey
April 1-April 5

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
September 16-September 20

Denver
Disney On Ice presents a Disneyland® Adventure
March 12-March 15

Phoenix
Disney On Ice presents a Disneyland® Adventure
April 9-April 12

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
June 24-June 28

Chicago/Rosemont
Disney On Ice celebrates 100 Years of Magic
Sept 8-Sept 13

Newark/East Rutherford/Uniondale/NYC
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
March 5 – April 13

Offer not valid on performances from April 10 – 13 at Madison Square Garden

Philadelphia
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
May 13-May 25

Anaheim/LA/Ontario
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
July 8-August 2

San Francisco
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 12-August 23

Sacramento
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 27-August 30

Rick and George* were quite the stoners in high school.

Both great guys, they were pretty easy-going–you know the weed and all–friendly, quick to laugh–again with the weed–fun–even without the weed (I mean I think I saw them when they weren’t stoned)–bright–despite the weed–athletic–and that’s tough with the weed–and they were friends of mine.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that George and Rick smoked a little dope back in the 80’s.

Tonight I spoke to George for the first time in ten years. With what I assume was a completely straight face, he told me about a recent conversation he had with Rick.

Apparently, Rick was experiencing a dilemma and needed some advice. Rick wanted to know if George thought it would be okay to let his 13 y.o. son go see Clerks 2.

Let me paint this for you in a slightly different way.

Bill and Ted have kids of their own and consult with each other on how best to raise them.

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

What an incredible weekend! What an incredible day!!

I’m exhausted and I’m not sure why, but I think it’s because I’ve been holding my breath for so long.

And today I exhaled.

I expected tears, but none came. There were plenty of goosebumps, but no tears–and I cry at the M&M Easter Bunny commercial every year.

Barak Obama doesn’t represent a panacea to the world’s problems to me, but the possibility of change in our country that makes me hopeful.

I tried to figure out how to convey the importance of this event to my sons. I brought the two oldest to the inaugural concert on Sunday.

We all watched the swearing in (on our feet) today.

But I don’t know if they understand.

And you know what? That’s okay. It means that they see nothing remarkable about a black man leading our country. Hopefully some day they will think nothing of a woman or someone of hispanic descent or of gay identity leading our country.

A world where my children don’t expect that all leaders are white men? Is it really true?

Now I think I may cry.

Mr. 4 asked me to wipe his bottom today after a trip to the bathroom.

Then he showed me he could count to five.

“Look mom! Five poops. One. Two. Three. Four Five.”

We’re not doing anything here if we aren’t always looking for those teaching moments.

Wonder how long this is going to take me.

Is this the most efficient way to assemble these?

This stapler sucks.

Dog chewing edge of box–well at least she’s not teething on my toes. Could be worse.

That box is a virtual cornucopia of fundraising flyers.

This stapler sucks.

Screw it. They’re stapled.

Shit, some Kindergartener is going to cut their hand on that staple. Do over.

Freaking husband. Convenient phone call while I’m sitting here with all this to do.

This stapler sucks.

Wonder if I should take that blogging gig. Interesting topic. Do I have time? Will I have anything to say? Will I need to research? Think I’ll take it. I’m not sure.

Wonder if the motion I’m using to lean over and sit back up counts as core exercise? It should. I can feel it. My posture sucks. If I sat up better, I bet it would count.

How sad is it that I’m considering stapling as exercise??

But I’m sweating. Okay–that’s cause I turned off the air.

This stapler sucks.

Still on the phone my mate? I swear it’s because you can still hear my stapler.

What?? You’re offering to help? Sure count and label these.

Bonus points to hubs for helping out.

Well it’s his kids’ school too. Damn right he should.

I’m a bitch.

Kinda fun hanging out doing this together.

Shit I’m not stapling fast enough.

Oh look and help from a four year-old!

I’m going to be here all night.

Thank god for the short attention span in four year old.

I must be close to done.

Hmmm. I could write a blog post about this.

This stapler still sucks.

What? We’re only through the 1st grade classes?!

And there goes the hubs.

I’m going to be here all night.

What shows do I have to set up on TiVo this season? I liked that Criminal Minds.

I watch too many cop shows.

Didn’t get many emails today.

I’m going to die alone.

This stapler sucks.