The team was down 6-2. They had just come out of the bottom of the last inning holding the opposing team to no runs, and you could finally feel some energy building in the dugout.

The first three batters got on base and stayed on base. In other words, the bases were loaded.

And then my ten year-old son came up to bat.

And there was a pitch.

And there was a swing.

And the ball hit the bat perfectly.

The ball–that beautiful ball–soared over the infielders’ heads, over the outfielder’s head and straight out over the center field fence!

His first home run. A GRAND SLAM!

And I was cheering. And I was yelling. And I was trying to capture it on video. And I was jumping up and down.

And to go along with the theme of this season…

I peed.

Just a little.

I’ve been low on post ideas, hence my infrequent visits to your reader, however the mighty Blog Goddess saw fit to bless me with an event last night that just demanded to be blogged.

We’re wrapping up the Little League regular season here in VA. Now Mamma Loves baseball, but it does mean that I visit the ball fields 4-5 times a week with our two players.

The thing about the ball fields you see is that when nature calls a woman has few options.

I did give that bottle of water a second thought before I took it out of the refrigerator at work to drink on the way to the game. I did weigh the possibility of having to use the dreaded Don’s John. But I was thirsty.

Some time in the bottom of the second inning I couldn’t wait. It was time to brave the Bacteria Bin.

The lights were on at the field and when I got inside and closed the door I realized it was really dark inside that potty. I was wearing my work clothes and I was a bit concerned about my pants touching the floor, so I hitched them before pulling them down from my waist.

You know I totally squatted cause there ain’t no way any part of me is touching any of this latrine. Everything was going well. Pants hiked up. Perfect squatting position achieved and bladder emptying.

Then I tried to maneuver for some toilet paper–while I maintained my position.

What happened next was all such a blur. I guess I lost my balance. Next thing I know pee is ricocheting off the toilet and spraying the backs of my legs and running down my ankles. I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t readjust. I couldn’t keep the pants up, the squat maintained and find the target. I was frantic. And I was covered in pee!

And it was only the second inning. And it was humid.

I managed to blot out most of the dripping parts (mostly the hem of my pants) and luckily the pants were black and so the wetness was not noticeable. I hurried to my car just to collect my thoughts. I could go home and change, but it was a tournament game and how was I supposed to explain my running off to change. Besides, us baseball parents? We’re weird and superstitious. The team always wins when I’m in my work clothes. I couldn’t change.

The pants weren’t as bad as I first thought, so I made my way back to the game. I am happy to report that Mr. 10’s team won and will continue on in the tournament. I’m also pretty sure I’m the only one who noticed that I smelled like a Port-O-Potty (remember the humidity?). It’s that or the other parents on the team just have really nice manners.

Dear Queen of the Mayhem,

Regarding your comment concerning OTJ’s “cyst”, I wanted to say I share your concerns about 69.

I personally find it difficult to completely enjoy the pleasure of receiving when I’m also supposed to be focused on…

What?

You meant problem NUMBER 69?

Oh…well…um…nevermind then.

What we parents won’t do to protect our children.

Carrying Mr. 3 downstairs last night in the midst of an inconsolable crying jag, my foot went out from underneath me as I descended the stairs. Wanting to protect him, guess what took the brunt of the fall!

As if my ass wasn’t big enough to start with, NOW I have a lump the size of a fist on my right cheek!

I think it’s too bad Shakey’s real name doesn’t begin with a “C.” I could have wooed him with some romantic story of branding myself in his honor.

On the bright side, Mr. 10 thinks it looks like a horseshoe, so maybe it’s a mark of good luck.

Guess the swimsuit cover is out this year!

I’ve been smacked with a meme by my friend canape. Five slightly odd facts about myself.

Having just shared Six Weird Things not too long ago I’m wondering how to define “slightly odd.” I mean, if it’s only supposed to be slightly odd does that mean I shouldn’t share my fantasies involving certain Rolling Stones songs? No? Okay.

In that case…here’s five slightly odd things about moi.

1. I have guilt over my toothpaste. I changed to Colgate toothpaste over the past year or so, and I still feel bad about it. You see I’m fairly brand loyal, and I grew up a Crest kid. But Colgate Total just rocks!

2. I am compelled to read. I don’t mean I have to read books all the time. I mean if I am somewhere and there are words to read I will read them and reread them to pass time. I can’t just sit in a waiting room and veg out. I’ll read whatever magazines are there, signs on the wall, labels on the furniture…you get the picture.

3. I married Shakey. Let me give you an example…

Mamma: I need to come up with five slightly odd things about myself.
Shakey: Oh you mean like the fact that you have a six inch clitoris?
Mamma: ??!!

(Like if I did I’d be spending my time blogging.)

4. My index fingers are not straight. I’ve always hated that. I used to try and push them back the other way…it never worked. It’s like they’ll miss my middle fingers too much if they stand out straight.

5. I have extra urine “propelling” powers in that I have an extra ureter running from my right kidney. That’s right, a grand total of three ureters for Mamma. Know anyone who needs one? I have an extra.

Sorry, no picture for this one. The MRI is still with the doc.

Thanks canape for that fun. Can’t imagine the kind of traffic I’m going to get tonight over these nuggets.

Okay, I’ll tag out now. The lucky recipients? Mitch McDad, Kevin, St. Jude, the chicas de JJ and Attila. Play along if you’d like.

Don’t forget, you only have a few more hours left to tell me how much you adore me!! Go ahead, send me a Valentinr…look to your right.